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Writer's pictureTolu Adeleke

The Role of Partners During Childbirth: How to Be the Best Support

Updated: Dec 2



 Childbirth is one of life’s most extraordinary experiences—a blend of miracle, marathon, and, yes, a little madness (in a good way). For the birthing parent, it’s an intense physical and emotional journey. But for their partner? It’s the ultimate moment to step up, support, and be a rock through all the highs and lows of bringing a tiny human into the world. 

If you’re wondering how to be the best birth partner possible, you’re not alone. Many partners approach childbirth with a mix of excitement and nervousness. After all, you’re not the one in labour, but you’re still a key player in the delivery room. The good news? You’ve got this—and I’m here to help you prepare for the big day with some easy-to-follow advice. 

 

The Partner’s Mission: Be the MVP of Childbirth

Let’s start with the basics: your job during childbirth is to provide physical, emotional, and practical support. Think of yourself as part coach, cheerleader, logistics manager, and full-time advocate. Your presence can have a huge impact. Research has shown that having a supportive partner during labour can lead to shorter delivery times, less need for medical interventions, and a more positive overall experience for everyone involved. 

 

Now, how do you make that happen? Let’s dive in! 


Step 1: Do Your Homework

Preparation is everything. Before labour even begins, take time to understand what childbirth entails. Attend birthing classes together, read up on the stages of labour, and watch some educational videos (though maybe skip the more graphic YouTube rabbit holes). 

 

Understanding what your partner’s body will go through during labour will not only help you feel more confident, but it’ll also make you a more empathetic and proactive support person. You’ll know when it’s time to hold their hand—and when to step aside and grab the nurse. 

Pro Tip: Discuss your partner’s birth plan/preferences ahead of time. Whether they’re planning for an epidural, a vaginal birth, or a caesarean section, knowing their preferences will help you advocate for them if needed. 

 

Step 2: Bring the Right Energy

When the big day arrives, your demeanour will set the tone. Labour is unpredictable—it can be long, intense, or filled with unexpected turns. The best thing you can do is stay calm, positive, and fully present. 

 

This doesn’t mean you need to have all the answers (spoiler alert, you won’t). But being a steady, reassuring presence will help your partner feel more secure. Offer words of encouragement, keep the mood light when appropriate, and above all, listen to their needs. 

 

What to Say:

- “You’re amazing—I’m so proud of you.” 

- “You’re doing such a great job—keep going!” 

- “What can I do to help right now?” 

 

What NOT to Say:

- “You look tired.” (Of course, they do—let’s not point it out.) 

- “How much longer do you think this will take?” 

- “This reminds me of that one time I had the flu...” 

 

Step 3: Be a Physical Support

Labour can be physically gruelling, so one of your primary roles is to help your partner stay as comfortable as possible, a task that may sometimes feel impossible, but it’s essential to stay the course.

 

  • Massage and Counter-Pressure: Many birthing parents find relief from lower back pain with massage or counter-pressure. Ask them what feels good and adjust as needed. 


  • Hydration and Snacks: Keep water and light snacks handy (if permitted) to help your partner maintain their energy levels. 


  • Position Changes: Encourage them to try different labour positions—standing, squatting, on all fours, etc.—to ease discomfort and help the baby move down the birthing canal.

 

And yes, sometimes being a physical support means literally holding them up or letting them lean on you through a tough contraction. Be ready for anything! 

 

Step 4: Advocate Like a Pro

Labour is not the time for your partner to debate hospital policies or fend off unwanted advice. That’s where you come in. If your partner has specific wishes, like delayed cord clamping or skin-to-skin contact after delivery, it’s your job to ensure those preferences are communicated to the medical team. Be respectful and collaborative with the healthcare staff, but don’t be afraid to ask questions or request clarifications if something seems unclear. 


Example: “We’d like to stick to the birth plan as much as possible. Is there a reason we need to adjust this?”

 

Step 5: Pack the Perfect Go-Bag

A well-packed hospital bag can save the day. Here’s what you’ll want to include: 


  • For Your Partner: Comfortable clothes, toiletries, snacks, a water bottle, and anything to help them relax (like a favourite playlist or a massage ball). 

  • For You: A change of clothes, snacks, phone charger, and maybe a book for the quieter moments. 

  • Extras: A camera or phone for capturing those first precious moments, and any paperwork you might need (insurance info, ID, etc.). 


I’ve put together a detailed list of what to pack in your hospital bag, which you can find here

 

Step 6: Be Flexible

Childbirth rarely goes exactly according to plan. Your partner might change their mind about pain relief, or unexpected complications could arise. The key is to stay adaptable and supportive, no matter what happens. 

 

If plans shift, remind your partner that they’re still doing an incredible job and that the ultimate goal—a healthy baby and mum is what matters most. 

 

Step 7: Celebrate the Victory

When the baby finally arrives, emotions will be running high. Take a moment to soak it all in. Congratulate your partner on their amazing strength, thank the medical team, and snap lots of photos to capture the first moments of your new family. 

 

And don’t forget: your support doesn’t end in the delivery room. Postpartum recovery is another journey, and your partner will need your help as they heal and adjust to life with a newborn. 

 

On a final note, being a supportive partner during childbirth isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, staying present, and doing your best to meet your partner’s needs. By preparing ahead of time, staying calm under pressure, and being their biggest cheerleader, you’ll play an irreplaceable role in this life-changing event. 

 

So, grab your hospital bag, practice your pep talks, and get ready to witness the miracle of life. You’ve got this, partner!  I’m rooting for you.

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